Chapter Text
Day 40
Mile 577.8
Melville Nauheim Shelter
“Rey? Are you ok? Rey??”
She ached. Her hip, in particular, was screaming. She tried to shift, to change positions, but realized she was laying on the wooden floor of a shelter, no sleeping pad at all. Just... rawdogging the 2x4s. She looked down, frowning. Or were these 2x6s?
Either way. What...the f*ck?
“Rey? Rey. Can you wake up?”
She groaned as she managed to roll onto her back. She was close to the edge, one arm dangling off into empty air. There were hands on her, cool hands, brushing hair off her forehead.
“Here, let me see,” another voice said. “They at least teach us the basics in Basic.” Rough hands felt her face, pried open her eyes.
“What the f*ck?” she managed to croak out, throat burning with the effort. “I can open my eyes, you asshole.”
“You look like you fell,” the second voice said. She recognized it. “Had to check your pupils. I think you’re mostly just sick. Probably a fever.”
A shiver wracked her body, her muscles tensing up. Her entire torso was just one huge ache, her back and ribs exhausted from coughing. Something caught in her throat, and she started coughing again.
“f*ck,” she croaked out between coughs. “This hurts.”
“That doesn't sound great,” the first voice said.
“Maybe the flu?” The second voice asked.
“Rey, can you stand up? If I help you?” That was Ben. It had to be.
She felt like she was nodding. Of course she could stand up. She was strong. She was capable. She didn't need help. She pushed the hands away.
“Ok, try it yourself,” the hands grumbled. Ben’s hands. She was pretty sure her feet were under her now. She just needed to... push? Or press? Had she ever learned how to stand up?
“Well, fancy meeting you here!” another voice said. A woman. She sounded nice. She sounded… recent?
“Aunt Amilyn! I thought we were meeting you at the road?”
Oh. Amilyn Holdo (Bennington).
“Well, that was the plan, but I got a distress call and came to help.”
“What?” Ben asked, confused.
“Your friend needed water and Tylenol, asked if I could help.”
“Rey called you?” Ben sounded surprised. Rey wondered if she should be offended by the surprise in his voice.
“’mnot ‘n idiot,” Rey mumbled in her defense.
“Of course you're not,” Amilyn said gently. “She said she’d meet me at the road, but I didn’t see anyone, so figured I’d head up the trail a bit.”
“Well,” Ben said with a sigh, “you found her.”
“I’ll carry your pack, Ben, if your friend here – is this Poe? Such a pleasure to meet you, I’m thrilled you’ll be joining us at the house — can carry Rey’s pack, and you get Rey?”
“‘M fine,” Rey protested, opening her eyes and scooting herself to sit against the shelter wall. “Just need some Tylenol.”
“Well, you do need that,” Amilyn said, handing her a few pills and a cold bottle of water. Rey mumbled thanks and swallowed eagerly, the chilled water soothing her throat some. “You just also need to get out of the woods.”
“Mile and a half,” Poe said, “but steep. sh*t. 12.5% grade!”
Rey took another sip of the cold water and closed her eyes. She was good to just stay here. She drew her legs up, wrapped her arms around them, then let her head drop to her knees.
“It’s a little rocky, but not too bad,” Amilyn was saying. “More stairs than anything else.”
“It’s not far.” Ben had his serious voice on. A little hushed. “I’ll just run down to the car and drop my pack off there, then come back up. If you can carry Rey’s pack...”
“...pretty light, we can dump the rest of the water...”
“Nah, it’s a short day anyways. It’ll be fun, hiking without a pack...”
She let her focus drift, tuning out their voices. Her eyes slid closed again.
It was quiet when she felt a cool hand tucking her hair behind her ear.
“Rey? Can you sit up?”
Rey was pretty sure she’d do anything for Amilyn Holdo (Bennington). She obeyed, even opened her eyes.
“I made you ramen. Well, I boiled water and then dumped in the flavoring. Think you can drink some?”
“I don’t have ramen,” Rey said, confused.
“Ben did. He and Poe went to take their packs down to the car. They’ll be back up in a bit. Hopefully that’ll give the Tylenol some time to kick in. If you can manage to get some of this down, you might make it out of here without spraining an ankle or cutting up your face any more.”
Rey nodded, accepting the warm pot. She took a careful sip, unsure how hot the liquid would be.
It was perfect.
“The good ramen,” Rey said. “I found some of this in the Whites.”
“Ben knows how to find the good stuff.” Amilyn raised her hand to hover near Rey’s forehead. “May I?”
Confused, Rey just nodded yes. She wasn’t sure what Amilyn Holdo (Bennington) wanted to do, but Rey would take a bullet for her, she was pretty sure.
“Fever’s gone down a little, I think,” Amilyn said, resting the back of her hand to Rey’s forehead and cheeks. Rey resisted the urge to let her head fall into Amilyn Holdo (Bennington)’s hand, but it was a struggle. Her touch was soft and gentle and soothed her in a way she hadn’t seen coming. “You’re not as hot as you were when we got here.”
“Feels better,” Rey agreed.
“You’re coming to my house,” Amilyn said. “Ben and Poe were already going to stay, so you might as well come too.”
“I’ll get you sick.”
“I got my flu shot. And I have a great TA. She can teach for me if I do get sick. She’s dying to do more.” Amilyn looked at her, eyes soft and understanding. “It’s ok to need help, Rey.”
Rey felt her jaw clench, tears rising hot behind her eyes. “Is it?” she heard herself whisper, voice tight and choked. She hadn't wanted to call and ask for the Tylenol and water, but she'd made herself. Accepting Amilyn Holdo (Bennington)'s hospitality was... was it too much?
“Of course. It’s part of the trail. Well, it’s part of life, but it’s even more so part of the trail.” Amilyn patted her leg. “We’ll get you patched up and on your feet in no time. But you need to let yourself rest, and you can’t do that when you have to hike down to a stream to get water.”
Rey took another sip of the broth. She knew Amilyn was right. She did need a bed, a shower, access to clean water without trying to follow a blue blaze trail and filling her bottle from a little trickle running over a rhododendron leaf.
She’d need some real food, at some point. When she could swallow without feeling like she was eating glass. She let her eyes close as she sipped on the ramen, trying to accept the idea of staying at Amilyn's home. Poe would be there, and Amilyn had never met him.
Rey considered what the next few days might be like, if she refused Amilyn's offer and stayed here.
It would f*cking suck.
Rey clenched her jaw as she nodded once. She would go. Besides, of all the people to accept help from, Amilyn Holdo (Bennington) might be the best case scenario.
“It’s offensive, how much easier hiking is without a pack,” Poe announced cheerfully as he and Ben approached the shelter. “How’s our patient doing?”
“You have…too much energy,” Rey complained.
“Funny, all my teachers said the same thing,” Poe replied easily. “Sounds like you’re doing better, though, if you can complain about me. Always a good sign, I say. Hand me that sweet MYOG pack. I want to try this thing. See if I need to commission you to make me one. I’m into these colors.” Rey pushed her pack towards Poe, who easily swung it onto his back. He wasn't much taller than Rey, so he didn't have to adjust the straps very much.
"Are these like running vest-style shoulder straps? This is killer, Rey. I thought it would be way less comfortable than this. Nice job." Poe lightly jogged a circle around the shelter, testing the fit of her pack. She was proud of herself. She'd drafted the pattern herself and now someone else liked the design she'd made. That felt pretty good.
“How’d you do with the broth, Rey?” Amilyn asked, peering into the pot. “One more sip and you’ll finish it off.”
Rey obeyed, tipping the pot back.
“Very good. I’ll take that,” Amilyn said, reaching for the empty pot. Rey felt something warm bloom in her chest at Amilyn’s praise. She’d been very good.
Ben stood in front of Rey, arms reaching out to her. “Come on, Rey. It’s not too bad. I can piggyback you, if we need to.” Rey tried to glare at him. He laughed gently. “Terrifying. You can walk. Just saying it’s an option.”
Rey let him pull her up and steady her as she found her balance. She started to pull her hands free, then thought better of it. It would be good to hold on to him, maybe with just one hand. Just in case she tripped or something.
*
Day 42
Bennington, VT
Mile 579.4
October 6
Rey stretched her arms above her head, luxuriating in the soft bed. She was warm and dry and clean. Her fever broke last night, her body apparently deciding 32 hours on the softest mattress she’d ever slept on was enough to cure her. The long, hot baths and endless mugs of steaming tea with honey had helped, too. As well as all manner of creamy soups and unusual sorbet flavors, delivered by Amilyn’s gentle hands, her patient voice instructing Rey to take just another bite.
Rey thought she would do literally anything that woman asked her to do. Amilyn had changed Rey's sheets twice a day. She never had to sleep on damp, clammy sheets. If that didn’t inspire unconditional devotion, Rey didn’t know what would.
She wasn’t entirely sure what Ben and Poe had been doing the whole time — Rey having been horizontal and mostly unconscious the whole time — but she could just barely hear them outside now, laughing.
Rey padded to the bathroom and took a shower, the hot water washing away the last of the stiffness in her joints. She stood naked in front of the mirror, taking stock.
She’d lost… too much weight. She could see that. Her bony shoulders and hips had deep purple bruises from her pack straps and hip belt. Her knees and arms were mostly scabbed over from her fall near the spring, but her hand had bruised — a deep plum, almost black, painful to even look at – where her trekking pole handle had jammed into it. She’d be a one pole hiker for a few days. Her body was covered in other bruises and scrapes from the last five weeks. They weren’t healing like they should.
She’d pushed too hard. She’d done too much with too little food and just wore herself out. That’s all there was to it.
She’d been stupid.
Careless.
Irresponsible.
Rey had her appetite back. Her throat wasn’t really sore anymore. It was time to eat more than just soup.
She pulled on the clothes Amilyn had left out for her — leggings, a camisole, and a soft, oversized cardigan, long enough to wrap around her like a rich white woman about to sleep with someone she probably shouldn’t in a Nancy Meyers film. Rey wandered out of her room, down the stairs, and into the open kitchen.
“Well, hello!” Amilyn said warmly, hands still kneading the bread dough being worked on the countertop. “You look much better today.”
“I feel much better,” Rey said. “Thank you, so much. I can’t possibly repay you for your kindness.”
“I received lots of kindness that I couldn’t pay back either, so it all comes out in the wash. Ben probably wouldn’t have stayed this long if you hadn’t been here, though, so I owe you for that.”
“Where is Ben?”
“Out at the pool with Poe.” Amilyn nodded to the window. Rey peered out, seeing them both relaxing in the water. She looked a little longer than was necessary, perhaps, considering there wasn’t much more to see than two half-naked men in a concrete rectangle of water. “I turned the heater on, so it’s nice and warm. You’re welcome to go out too, if you’re feeling up to it.”
“Maybe in a bit,” Rey said. “I just got clean.”
“After lunch, maybe,” Amilyn agreed.
“Were they staying here? I don’t think I ever heard them.”
“No, I stuck them out in the horse barn.” Rey’s surprise must have shown on her face. Amilyn laughed softly. “Well, guest house. I think the previous owners had their daughter living out there. Thought I’d make sure you had enough peace and quiet to recover.”
“Thank you,” Rey said, blushing. “That’s… so kind of you.”
“Old houses like this don’t have much sound proofing. The way those two carry on... well, they had fun out there, from what I saw.” Amilyn dropped the dough back into the bowl, then covered it with a cloth. “Time for this to rise. Feeling up to a little work?”
Intrigued, Rey followed Amilyn outside to a small red shed at the edge of the garden. The yard was beautiful, even in early fall. Split rail fences separated the yard from the pasture spreading out from the house. A small gazebo sat just on the other side of the fence, mountains stacked up in the distance behind it.
“This is stunning, Amilyn,” Rey said, taking in the land around her.
“Thank you. I fell in love the moment I saw it. The house has been here since the 1700s. It’s too much room for just me, so I make sure to have people here as much as possible.”
“Is that an orchard?”
“It is. Amazing apples. I’ve got some cider in the root cellar. You’ll have to try it.” Amilyn opened the door to a detached garage. “Welcome to my folly. Or... my studio.”
There were canvases and a pottery wheel and … “Is that a loom?” Rey asked.
Amilyn laughed. “It is. I find so many things too interesting to not try. You can get looms pretty cheap, if you don’t care how old they are and you can move it.”
Amilyn sat at one of the pottery wheels, gesturing to Rey to sit at another. “Want to make something?” Amilyn asked.
Rey nodded and sat at the other wheel.
Imitating Amilyn, Rey packed her clay and threw it on the wheel. “That’s right, just lock your elbows in and use your body – lean on that left hand, that’s where the majority of the work is.” Amilyn watched Rey, then nodded as she started to get the hang of it. “I find pottery to be incredibly forgiving. If I hate what I make, I just squish it back and start over. It feels almost like meditation, shaping a pot.”
Rey had to agree with her. She wasn’t trying to make anything, just enjoying the feeling of pressing her fingers into the soft clay, feeling it spin around and around and re-shape itself to fit around her whims.
“Ben told me you met on Katahdin,” Amilyn said finally.
“We did. We’ve hiked together off and on. All of the ‘off’ was me, though. He’s... he’s a nice guy. Not in the ‘Nice Guy’ sense,” Rey clarified, making air quotes with her wet, muddy fingers, “but in the actual ‘man who is nice’ sense.”
“He’s a good kid. He was a nightmare as a baby – not his fault, just so colicky. But so curious and bright and genuinely interested in people. A little serious – you should ask him about his childhood hobbies sometime. And of course, he’s always been a protector – he got into a few fights defending his friends. He wouldn’t let Leia kill any bugs when he was little. She hated it.” Amilyn laughed softly, lost in memories for a moment. “I used to take him spelunking and rock climbing, when he’d come stay with me, back when I lived in California. He always carried extra water and food, just in case someone needed it.”
Amilyn fell silent for a moment, focusing on shaping the clay in front of her. Rey watched it spin, watched Amilyn's hands bring it up and back down, spread out, curved. Then she stopped the wheel, smashed it flat, and looked up at Rey. “That’s my favorite part, I think. Smashing it.”
Rey laughed then. She hadn’t expected any of this when she’d swallowed her pride and made that phone call. She’d never imagined she’d be sitting in a little red shed making pottery with this glamourous, adventurous professor.
“How did you meet Ben’s mom? It’s Leia, right?” Rey asked, her curiosity only growing the more she thought about Amilyn, the more she learned about her.
“That’s right. We grew up together, at the same boarding school. She was ambitious and focused and brilliant. I was trouble. Always wanted to try things I had no business trying, needed adrenaline and a little risk in my life. And creativity,” Amilyn said, indicating either her soft lavender hair or the shed full of creative hobbies. “We didn’t have many classes together and weren’t in the same circles, but we knew of each other. She was in the smart classes; I was in the ‘please don’t kick me out’ classes. But we both ended up on the Orienteering team. I loved hiking and going somewhere new. Leia loved the puzzle of it. We were a good team. Then we ended up at Wellesley together and became friends. Not close friends, but... friends.”
“Huh. I assumed Leia went to Dartmouth.”
“Did you see the philosophy building then?” Amilyn asked with a wry twist of her lips. “No, her brother Luke did, and their birth father. She grew up in Norwich, though, which is just across the river from Hanover.”
“Did you and Leia continue doing Orienteering stuff?” Rey asked.
“Sort of. We were both in the Outing Club, but I generally did the rock climbing and kayaking outings. Leia usually ended up at things like apple picking and whale watching. We did go on one or two hikes together, though, with the Club.”
“Do you still hike?”
“Ben didn’t give you much information, did he?” Amilyn asked.
“No, he didn’t,” Rey said honestly. “We didn’t really talk about you much. I... got really drunk in Hanover and he said I needed emergency contacts, so he put some numbers in my cell phone. Luckily, he also added cities, or else I would have been really confused.”
“That sounds like Ben,” Amilyn said. “Yes, I still hike some. Did some thru hikes when I was younger, but I usually prefer to LASH or do shorter thru hikes now.”
“When did you thru-hike?” Rey asked.
“I did the AT back in early 80s. That was my first thru. I was young and hot and had way too much attitude. I wasn’t quite ambitious enough to really fit into the Wellesley mold, so I took off after graduation and headed to Maine to hike southbound. Your little pack you made sure makes me regret some of my gear choices. I hiked in jeans!”
Rey laughed. “How much did your pack weigh?”
“It wasn’t really a thing to weigh packs back then – things just weighed what they weighed and you put up and shut up. But probably around 60 pounds. I put up, but I suffered too.”
“Did you love it?”
“Some days. Cried a lot. Especially the first thousand miles. I was so determined to prove to everyone that I was strong enough to finish the trail. I didn’t want anyone to think I was a weak little girl, some spoiled rich kid. Just thought I had to be the toughest, meanest, hardest hiker out there.” Amilyn smiled, watching her wheel spin for a moment. “I made everything twice as hard as it had to be, just to prove I could do it.”
“That must have been satisfying, though, to know that you could push through like that,” Rey said. She could imagine the triumph, knowing how hard it had been, knowing how the story ended.
“Oh no, absolutely not. I wouldn’t have finished, if I’d kept that up. I was in Harpers Ferry, just bawling my eyes out, starving, trying to find enough quarters to call my parents and tell them to come get me. Or at least send me bus fare. I had no money, no food, nothing warm enough to get through fall. I was trying to pick up odd jobs in towns, do a sort of work-for-stay. Bought only just enough food and tried to forage the rest. Too much Chicken of the Woods and Poke Sallet.”
“What’d you do, then? Did you call your parents?”
“I tried to, but they didn’t answer. I would’ve quit the trail that day, you know, if they’d answered. So I hung up, got my dime back – do you actually know how payphones worked? I need to study that Mindset List more – and called Leia. Asked if she’d come visit me and lend me some money. I needed a friend and I needed a handout.”
Rey couldn’t imagine. She couldn’t imagine having a friend close enough to ask for money. And she couldn’t imagine actually asking them for money.
It must have showed on Rey’s face. Amilyn chuckled.
“I felt the same way you feel about it. Made me sick to my stomach. I was out there to prove to the world that I could do it all. My parents had refused to give me money for the hike – unsurprising, really, they wanted me to get married and serious – so I only had the money I made that summer before I graduated, working at a summer camp. But I wanted to finish the trail and I couldn’t do it alone. Only way to get to Georgia was with help. I had to decide if I wanted the adventure or my pride more.”
“Was it worth it?” Rey asked, a little quieter. Not sure she was ready to hear the answer, whatever it was.
“A million times over. Pride makes for a sh*tty story and a boring life.” They worked in silence a while longer, Rey mulling over Amilyn’s words.
“Leia and I were friends, we’d known each other a long time, but we weren’t that close. She’d laughed and told me good luck when I said I wanted to thru hike -- I was never sure if she was sincere or sarcastic with that, and I'm still not sure. But she came and we got drunk in Harpers Ferry, took the bus into Washington DC and tried to sneak in to a bunch of places we weren’t supposed to be. Leia was the quintessential, ambitious Wellesley girl. She always wanted to be at the center of it, shaping policy. I was a bit of a mess, no clue what I really wanted to do with my life. I never fit in at Wellesley the way Leia did. Used to make me feel a little... less than. A little messy and untethered. I felt like I had a lot to prove.
“I don’t love a lot of the Founding Fathers, for many reasons, but Benjamin Franklin believed that the best way to change someone’s bad opinion of you, to make friends, was to ask them to do you a favor. Counterintuitive for people-pleasers, I know. But that vulnerability is important in relationships, you know? She became my closest friend after that. And if I hadn’t sucked it up and made the phone call, you wouldn’t be sitting here with me today. And wouldn’t that be boring!” Amilyn shrugged a little, reconsidering. “Or, maybe we would. Who knows how fate really works. But I don’t know that I’d be as happy as I am today. I wouldn’t have kept thru-hiking, if I quit the AT.”
“What other hikes have you done?”
“I did the PCT in 1996 and the Camino in 2001. Some of the GRs in Europe over the last twenty years or so. Plenty of shorter thru hikes – Colorado Trail, Long Trail, Benton Mackaye. And now I live here, and I get to be a Trail Angel sometimes or leave a little trail magic when I go for a day hike. And I get to play nursemaid to sweet SoBos who get the flu.” Amilyn’s voice took on a teasing lilt. Rey wanted to blush, being described as ‘sweet’ like that.
(Was she... in love with Amilyn Holdo (Bennington)?
Or did she just want to be Amilyn Holdo (Bennington)?)
Rey hummed, watching her lump of clay spin. What would have happened to her, sick in that shelter, if Amilyn hadn’t finished her thru hike. Who would Ben be, if Leia and Amilyn never became friends.
“Did you pay her back?” Rey asked finally, desperate to know the answer.
“The money? No,” Amilyn said with a laugh. “But it wasn’t something she cared about. I showed up with wine every time she and Han broke up – and believe me, that was a lot of wine. I quit my job at a non-profit to work with her when she got elected. Babysat that dark giant outside, too. All things I wanted to do, nothing I ever resented or even felt like a chore. Money, for Leia, was like... like having people stay at my house. It feels like a lazy solution to problems because I love having people here. It doesn’t put me out in any way to have people stay at my house. It only brings me joy, to see other people make memories here with me. For Leia, knowing that I’d be doing something adventurous with her money brought her joy.”
Rey nodded. She focused on the feeling of the clay, the droning sound of the wheel, the quiet splashes of water as one or the other of them dipped their fingers in.
It was a lot to take in.
The sun shifted, illuminating the dust motes floating through the shed. Time had passed by without her noticing.
“Well, I do think that’s your first masterpiece,” Amilyn declared, looking at the rounded object sitting in front of Rey. “What do you want it to be?”
“I... what should it be?”
Amilyn shrugged. “Stick a handle on it and call it a mug. Leave it as is and make it a bowl or a cup or vase, maybe. Up to you to decide how it turns out.”
Rey looked down at whatever vessel she'd created, stuck on the wheel in front of her.
She didn’t know. Not yet.
*
Ben thought about those little illustrations with the grains of rice to demonstrate the difference between a million and a billion, and he imagined it with stars instead.
That was what the sky looked like from Aunt Amilyn’s backyard.
A billion still didn’t feel like enough.
Rey was sitting in the heated pool with Ben and Poe, wearing Amilyn’s shorts and a sports bra. She didn’t look great. Ben had managed not to stare at the bruises on her collar bone, pressed into her skin by the shoulder straps of her pack. He could barely see the top of the bruises on her hip bones, too, peeking out above the waistband of her shorts. It’s not like any of them had emerged from the last 600 miles of hiking without bruises and scrapes and cuts, but Rey had... a lot. Old ones, too. Some he knew she got in the Whites. One he knew was from the Bigelows. He thought she got that cut on the back of her leg in the Hundred Mile.
They should have been healed by now.
They were all stuffed from dinner – creamy white bean soup, salmon risotto, lemon and raspberry sorbet that Ben and Poe had made as an experiment. They’d found an ice cream maker at the thrift store, begging to be tested.
“Were you two planning on hiking out tomorrow?” Rey asked finally.
“Were you?” Poe let his legs float up in the water, pushing off from the side of the pool and doggy paddling towards her. “Feels a little soon, personally.”
“It’s... you must be dying to get back on trail,” Rey stammered.
Poe snorted. “Rey. Ben and I are staying in a converted horse barn, for free, with a literal library in the big house and 90 acres of farm land. Plus a town to explore. We went apple picking yesterday. In the orchard, just down there. Trust me, I’m good. The trail will still be there next week, if need be. I’m not on any sort of time table.”
“We’re not going to leave without you,” Ben said, a little quieter. “If you want to hike alone, we’ll just stay a respectful 3 to 5 miles behind you.”
A quiet laugh escaped Rey. “No, you don’t have to do that. It might be nice hiking with people again.”
“But us, specifically, right?” Poe teased. “You mean you want to hike with me and Ben, actually.”
“I didn’t say--” Rey started.
“You didn’t not say that either,” Poe countered. “I bet you wouldn’t feel the same about hiking with, say... that guy Hot Tub? The one who did the Dirty Thirty?”
Ben grimaced. They all stank, sure, but deciding to go thirty days without a bath or shower or laundry was exponentially worse.
“Yes, fine,” Rey huffed. “I want to hike with you two again.”
“I knew it,” Poe said. “I knew you’d come to accept me one day.”
“Let’s not get carried away, Poe,” Ben said. “She hasn’t said she likes you. She just said she’d tolerate your presence.”
“Close enough,” Poe shrugged. “I have low standards.”
“So we’ll stay tomorrow?” Rey asked.
Ben nodded. “At least. We’ll see how you feel the next day. And then we’re doing low miles, no arguments. Poe and I have looked ahead to make sure we’ve got resupply timed right.”
“Damn, you two have been productive. All I've done is sweat and sleep.”
She really didn’t know the half of it. After they’d shepherded Rey down the mountain to Amilyn’s car – a generally uneventful evacuation, with Rey only stumbling a few times – and gotten her settled in Amilyn’s guest room, Ben and Poe had turned themselves loose on the town of Bennington. They’d gone to the thrift store to pick up some town clothes. Rey was close enough to Amilyn’s size, especially as much weight as she’d lost, that she was covered. But nothing Amilyn had would fit either of the men, so they’d grabbed sweat pants and t-shirts and jeans, even. They found a dehydrator, too, and picked it up, deciding to supplement their ramen and instant mashed potatoes with some freshly dehydrated veggies.
They’d spent way too much time flipping through recipe books, planning elaborate meals. They’d become friendly with the meat counter guy at the Price Chopper. Poe would tell Ben Air Force stories while Ben prepared lunch and dinner, always a hearty soup or stew for Rey, as well as something they could spread on the dehydrator.
Ben still had the dehydrated meals he’d prepared before he left, the ones Hux was mailing to him every so often, but this would give him more variety and more inventory.
They’d done odd jobs for Amilyn around the farm, cleaning up branches in the orchard, clearing out dead leaves from the flower beds, checking the pool chemicals and power washing the patio and flagstone walkway.
Ben had caught up with his parents and Hux, Poe had spent time chatting with Rose and his own family.
They’d done just the smallest amount of plotting.
“Only productive in a very selfish, very satisfying way,” Ben said. “We really only did exactly what we wanted to do.”
“And what was that?”
“So much cooking,” Poe said. “And a lot of time sitting in the pool. Amilyn’s got an amazing library.”
“Anything you want to accomplish tomorrow? Or are you planning on resting up more?” Ben asked her.
“I need to sort out a resupply, I guess. Otherwise, nothing I need to do.”
“Good,” Poe said. “This place is perfect for doing nothing.”
Ben watched her take in a deep breath, only a little shaky.
“I need to...I need to say thanks, for helping me. When I was sick,” Rey said. “You didn’t have to do that.”
Poe looked at her, horrified. “Of course we had to do that, Rey. Did you think we’d just leave you there? You looked dead!”
“I... there's no way it was that bad,” Rey muttered, cheeks flushing a bit.
“Yeah. Your pack was still closed up and you were just lying there, unmoving on the shelter floor. You looked pretty dead, honestly.” Poe was floating on his back in the middle of the pool, unaffected by the heaviness of the conversation.
“Maybe not dead, per se. But it didn’t look like a good situation. You were very still. And very pale. You didn’t move, at first, when we tried to wake you up. You had some leaves in your hair and you were bleeding and you weren’t moving. It looked... bad.” Ben had been scared. His instinct had been to leave their packs, toss her over his shoulder, and hightail it to the road. Leaving her behind wasn’t an option, as far as Ben was concerned. But really, he wouldn’t have left anyone in that situation.
They sat in silence for a few moments, only Poe’s light splashing as he maneuvered himself around the pool echoing off the concrete.
“I plan on sleeping in tomorrow,” Poe announced to the sky, “and then seeing if Amilyn has more of those cranberry breakfast cookies. And maybe after that I’ll drag myself onto the couch and watch some exploding car movies, if either of you would like to join.”
“Sounds like a busy day,” Rey said.
“You’ve no idea how Ben and I have suffered here,” Poe replied sarcastically. “Truly a hardship to stay at this huge farm for free. Earlier today Amilyn had the gall to ask me to taste test her salted caramel dark chocolate brownies. I’ve been suffering like you wouldn't believe, Rey.”
Rey did giggle at that. Ben felt something loosen in him, relieved to hear her join in on a joke, accept that they really were having fun killing time, letting her get better.
“I want to try that apple cider sorbet recipe we saw,” Ben said. “And maybe make some more jerky, too.”
“Oh, excellent idea, Benny boy! Trying the Gochujang jerky recipe?”
“Poe, we’re not letting that become a thing,” Ben said firmly.
“What's wrong with gochujang jerky?”
“No, calling me ‘Benny boy.’ That sh*t has to stop.”
Poe groaned dramatically. “No fun, Benji.”
“Not Benji either,” Ben said.
“Fine, BB.”
“What’s--?” Ben started.
“Benjamin Bail!” Poe said with a cheeky grin.
“Absolutely not. Get out. You’re done,” Ben said, trying to sound serious.
“I’m going, but only because I want to watch TikToks in bed,” Poe said, propelling himself over to the ladder with his hands as tiny paddles. “Don’t have too much fun without me, kids.”
They said goodnight to Poe, then Ben and Rey let the night air settle over them, blanketing them in their own cocoon.
“I am glad you called Amilyn.” He was. Ben knew Amilyn was glad too – she was an extrovert, loved hosting people, much like his mother. She told him once that she got pathetic and sad, if she spent too much time alone. She always felt like lives were meant to be shared – not just with romantic partners, but with friends and family and acquaintances and even strangers.
She said it made things more exciting that way. Ben understood her perspective more, now, than he had when he’d been 19 and sick of living in the dorm.
Rey smiled. “Yeah, good thing I got so hammered in Hanover you gave me emergency contacts. Took me a minute to figure out who she was. I was planning on calling you, if I had your number. I wasn’t sure if I did or not.”
“You do,” Ben said. “In there with Amilyn, Chewie, and my parents. And Luke. Wasn’t sure if I should include him or not, but... just in case.”
There was an awkward pause. Not really awkward, but a little heavy, maybe. Rey looked anxious, uncertain. Not at all the fiercely competitive beer pong player he’d seen in Hanover, so self-assured in her truly artless trash-talking.
“Would you have left Poe? If you found him sick in a shelter like that?” Ben finally asked.
“Of course not,” Rey said quickly. She frowned, as if she hadn’t quite meant to say that.
“Then why would we leave you?” Ben watched her for a moment, trying to see if she would give anything away with her expression. She didn’t. Ben leaned back and rested his arms on the side of the pool, let his legs float up into a pike in front of him as he stared up at the sky.
He wasn’t going to push her. She was better, she was letting Amilyn help her, she was thinking. That was enough for now.
“Shooting star,” he said quietly.
“Huh?” Rey asked, peering up at the sky to try to see anything. “Where?”
Ben pointed at a spot in the sky. “There’s another,” he said, seeing two more shoot across.
“Where??” Rey asked, still unable to see it. Ben tugged her over closer to him, put his cheek against hers so he could see better what she was looking at. He tilted her head back a little. “Look there.”
They stayed like that, limbs floaty and light, warm water gently lapping up against the sides of the pool, until Rey finally gasped. “I saw it!”
“Amilyn said there’s a meteor shower,” Ben said quietly. Their heads pulled apart just a little, being a bit unnaturally close, but Ben’s arm stayed stretched behind her, resting on the concrete. Rey’s shoulder stayed barely brushed up against his chest.
They stood there, small movements bringing them into brief contact as they watched the sky. The meteors started coming more frequently. Rey let her head drop back onto the concrete.
“Here,” Ben said, scooting his arm under her neck so her hair didn’t catch on the rough surface.
“Thanks,” Rey said, accepting his offer. He let his wrist bend a little, curled his arm just the slightest bit more so his fingers could almost brush against her other arm.
It didn’t mean anything, really, this physical intimacy. Just a convenient way for two people to watch a meteor shower.
He’d stand like this with... no, he wouldn’t stand like this with Poe. But it wouldn’t be inappropriate if he did. That just wasn’t the sort of friendship he had with Poe.
"Do you ever..." Rey paused and licked her lips, then started again. "Do you ever feel like you're exactly where you're supposed to be?"
"Not often," Ben replied truthfully. "But... sometimes. Maybe more, lately."
She glanced over at him then and gave him a small smile. Friendly, platonic. Probably.
"I'd planned to quit my job a month earlier."
Ben turned tolook at her, surprised by her sudden confession.
"I didn't have enough money saved up, though, so I had to put it off. It was almost too late -- I almost had to wait until next year, go NoBo. Early March start."
"That would've been... an entirely different experience."
Rey pursed her lips. "I'm not sure I could have stuck it out. All the crowds."
"Good thing it worked out, then." He didn't think he was implying anything else with that statement. But... did it maybe sound like he was?
"Yeah. Good thing."
They watched another few stars fall through the sky, one with a tail bright enough to see streaking behind it.
"I was going to wait a day, for the weather to clear up. Before I went up Katahdin," Ben said.
"Why didn't you?"
"Decided I didn't actually care about the view," Ben admitted. "Just wanted to get started."
Rey laughed softly. "Needed to accomplish something?"
"I know it's not something you can relate to..." Ben teased.
"Oh, not at all," Rey replied, her throat catching and sending her into a coughing fit. Not as bad as it had been - it sounded better, didn't last as long. But it did make him feel guilty for keeping her up. She groaned and braced her arms around her ribs.
“Still sore?”
“It doesn’t feel great.”
It was good that they were taking another day. He could spend more time with Amilyn, Rey could rest up a little more, Poe could keep on doing whatever it was he did. He was having fun, Ben could tell; Poe didn’t resent the short vacation from the trail.
He didn’t know how long they had stood there, but it was long enough for both their hands and feet to turn pruny, wrinkled with the water.
They'd been sleeping and waking with the sun for a month. Their bodies weren't used to staying up this late.
“I think it’s time for me to turn in. Got a busy day of doing nothing tomorrow,” Ben said finally.
“Me too,” Rey said as she yawned. “This was nice, though.”
“Yeah, it really was.”
They hesitated a moment, neither moving towards the stairs.
He twisted to his back, facing Rey, then shoved off from the wall and let himself glide to the stairs. "Amilyn said there were still brownies."
He saw - could actually watch - her face light up. She stretched her arms out in the water and pushed off with her feet, her chin just dipping below the surface. "That may be the best thing I've heard all day."
"Really?"
She reached the stairs and stood up, water displacing around her. "No," she admitted, a flush of color spreading across her chest. "That was when I found out there was enough for seconds at dinner. But the brownie was one of the best things."
Ben nodded as he climbed the stairs, his thighs, for once, not burning. "It's always nice, when there's multiple best things."
This felt like the stupidest conversation he could possibly be having right now, but also, somehow, it felt very important.
"It really is. It's been a while, I think. Since I've had... best things."
"We need to work on that, then. I'll have Poe develop a strategy, make sure we target three to five best things each day for you. Reasonable goal."
"Three to five?"
"It's a starting point, at least."
She gave him an inscrutable look, then picked up the towel folded neatly in a chair and wrapped it around her body. She watched him as he roughly dried his hair with the towel, her body disappearing from his sight, save her toes. When he emerged from under the towel she was still watching him.
As friends.
